Complicit : Erasure of the Body, Written Submissions

These are the collected written submissions from artists participating in our March 3-April 8th 2019 Nasty Women Connecticut Art Exhibition.

My Own Complicit Erasure, Babz Rawls Ivy

A long time ago

I had unwittingly become my own assassin

Startling memories of tearful no’s turned into forced yeses.

Such violence

A child. Unprotected. Harmed.
Details hanging in the ether
Never spoken

Such violence

A grown woman emerged from the ashes of what could’ve been joy should have been joy
was just time stolen.

Rising on the victories of hard fought battles, celebrated for tenacity, winning at work and seemingly at Love...A closeness to heaven as I ever dared dream. Whispering in various ears perhaps I love you too and wishing I meant it...

But my words were sophisticated daggers,
my tongue a sword
readily wielded against my own heart. Love you? I didn’t even love myself.

Damaged. Distant. Indifferent.

Such violence

So much inflicted pain
added to more pain
Adding Shame
Adding Doubt
Adding Fear

Erasure.
Indeed...

Complicit in my destruction of body and soul
I was a tool of war.
Willing words of death conjuring certain prophesy almost coming true.

It would be eons before I saw a slip of light
Hope afar
A path

Kindness
Unexpected
Light houses and guideposts

souls generous of spirit and time fed me. Rested with me
Cared for me. Celebrated me. Delighted in me. Pouring life back into me.

All this time underneath layers of lava and silt

Love
Rescued
Restored

Reimagining this life into something I wanted all along...
To be

Seen. Heard. Believed.

~Babz Rawls Ivy, March 2019